lyrics - english translation

The erratic flight of a butterfly

(c) 2018 Gerald Massois

Lyrics by Gerald MASSOIS

1 - A Friday of Tears       

It all happened so fast

No time to breathe

I thought we could run away

Ten seconds of eternity...

A few steps from the exit

I felt you stumble

Instinctively, I grabbed you

An obsession, I must not let you go...

Barely out on the sidewalk

In the midst of the wounded

Taken over by the police

Immediately separated

I struggle and I resist

I'm being shouted back

Overwhelmed by what's happening

I accept resigned

Too late when I realize

That I should have insisted

That was the last time I saw you.

This last fucking time...

At this moment I become aware

Of what just happened

A war scene, a wind of panic

Something totally foolish

It's so barbaric and violent.

You can't imagine

I saw a field of beautiful flowers

Suddenly fade

I feel a prick in my spine

Who starts bleeding

Maybe the adrenaline

Had made me forget

And this pain so sharp,

Keeps me from breathing

My vision blurs, I'm cold, I sweat,

I feel my body give up...

Weeks have gone by

And deep down in my soul

Something broke.

I no longer recognize

The reflection of this man... in the mirror

A lost man... In disgrace...

(I feel like a ghost in a world without landmark, without desire, without taste, and I wander alone in the middle of all these bodies which turn around me...)

I can't close my eyes anymore

I'm too afraid of

Relive these images in a loop

Your face

Which obsesses me

I stay for hours

Facing the remorse that shackles me

I'm a prisoner

From this Friday of tears

2 - A Prison of Dreams

Days go by in silence

Nothing has moved here

You just took a vacation

You are only absent

Your agency stuff,

Your toothbrush, your cup.

I omit the evidence

As if nothing had happened.

I built myself a world, my own reality

An incomplete parallel universe

(unlikely rereading of the past...)

A glass cathedral with cracked walls

A castle upside down, flickering,

To foundations that bend downwind...

I abuse prescriptions

From a mountain of pills

Like a veil over my senses,

That blocks my thought

I locked myself away

In a prison of dreams

A shelter for a truce

On the walls of barbed wire

I built myself a world, my own reality

An incomplete parallel universe,

(I rewrite the code of the past)

A glass cathedral with cracked walls

A castle upside down, flickering,

Ready to collapse, and suddenly when...

comes at night, 

in the dark

Everything around me is falling apart

The walls are falling,

And the shadows,

Smothers all glimmer of hope...

3- The blood of the innocent

Pt.1 : An irrepressible rage

I remind in spite of myself

Continuously this scene of terror

And no matter what I do

The past takes its place again

I must accept

The reality

How can one premeditate

to bloodshed, cowardly,

So much innocent blood?

To be the dregs of humanity?

I'll never be able

Knowing how to forgive

I drowned my questions

In misunderstanding

Anger rises, burns inside me

The pain,

In its wake

Fed an irrepressible rage,

That keeps me from moving on,

To forget, to close my wounds

Pt2 : A disillusioned youth

How did we get here

To the fact that lost young people

On the margins of society

All too often stigmatized

Turn into killers

In conditioned robots

Blind with resentment

The hatred of our freedoms

Are they solely responsible

About what happened?

So many lamentable policies

Interference from the cities

Who deliver alone to themselves

A disillusioned youth

Who has lost his bearings

And his dreams of immensity

These youngsters have become the prey

Of Armed preachers

Who promise a wind of hope

One goal, one identity

An illusion, a mirage

A lie well camouflaged

To motivations of rage

That nothing seems to stop

How to find landmarks?

In a superficial world

Who only likes to wallow

In a virtual farce

Here the appearance is golden

Form is at the forefront

And everyone avoids each other, ignores each other

Sleeping through his screen

You never learn from history

We imagine ourselves so different

This eternal race for power

That makes all our leaders addicted

Nothing changes...

Where is the nobility of this cause?

When without moods

We kill hundreds of innocent people

It's just unspeakable.

What can they see?

In their mirror?

Is Man thus programmed

For hate and war

And if we had forgotten

That we're all brothers?

I refuse to believe

In their victory

All our lives

To satisfy our desires

Warm and safe

From a world of tears

The veil has torn

On our dark past

A dark legacy

Missed acts

And mistakes of our elders

Chorus

Under a flood of hate and suffering

I lost my innocence in that war

Deeply buried my carelessness

My arrogance erased from my face

-

I survived, but is it really a chance?

The look masked by my ignorance

I am alone with my inconsistencies

Lost in my own addictions

4 - November (Instrumental)

5- The Wounds of my soul

Images rush into my head when I recall my life,

I have learned that nothing is for granted,

That a victory today

Will fade tomorrow

Day after day I advance on the thread... of my destiny

Every breath of air reminds me that I am miraculous

That in a few minutes, a few moments,

Death touched me

Even breathing demands a price

A ransom to pay

I don't complain anymore, I get it,

I'll have to pay for it.

I will never see our children

Growing up, emancipating.

Those kids we wanted so badly,

But there wasn't enough time

I fight at every moment

I'm in minefields

Like all these people

With a chained heart

I've known so many faithful friends

Suddenly taken with amnesia

I don't even want to tell them

That I hate them, that I curse them...

I sailed against the wind

On an ocean of tears

And I drowned in my blood

The wounds of my soul

I have this question that haunts me

Since I have this second chance

Will my life be the same?

Will my life be the same?

Faced with tomorrow's disappointments

I lead my resistance

Will my life be the same?

Will my life be the same?

And I'm learning this new dance

With irreverence,

Will my life be the same?

Will my life be the same?

But when I feel your presence

My life takes on its full meaning

My life will be the same

I'm convinced of that.

My life will stay the same!

I'm not fooled by my destiny all traced out

Get up one day, sit tomorrow, I know...

Like a lighthouse in the sea

You are my guide, my light,

My happiness, my support,

And without you, I know,

I would be nothing...

5 - A combination of circumstances

This morning when I woke up

Everything seemed different

The burden on my shoulders seemed

Suddenly less heavy

I had lost the North

De-adjusted my compass

But today I understand effortlessly

I must take my flight

Without thinking I moved everything

In the apartment

I discovered this little notebook

This will

A complete inventory,

Carefully classified,

The very essence of what you were

Your moods, your thoughts

And all this time I haven't noticed

Did I get through?

Of the magic you were releasing

Of your universe

Maybe I was too blinded

By the superficial

That I finally missed myself

On the essentials

Will you let me be the guest of your secrets?

Were we really strangers to each other?

So many doubts, so many unanswered questions

So many answers to find...

And I turn the pages with a trembling hand

And I walk through this new world of clay

I rediscover the feeling of being alive

To enjoy

From the present moment

Fascinating,

How life is a mysterious combination of circumstances

Finally I perceive all the nuances 

The smallest detail takes all its importance

I learn with pain from my mistakes

I kept everything against my heart

This handwritten page

Where you longly speak not without fear

In case of life leaves you

Not staying chained

To let you go

To rebuild ashes from the past

A new future

I fell asleep peacefully

You joined me in a dream

I felt rocked like a child

During this short truce

And I slept with air

in invisible ink,

A farewell word that will, I hope, express,

my unspeakable regrets

I'm sorry I couldn't watch over you.

For failing to protect you close to me

Maybe we just had bad luck

In a tragic combination of circumstances

I wish I hadn't told you so many times.

For not having learned to share better

My doubts, my fears, my joys, my sorrows, my plans

In a tragic combination of circumstances

I promised myself that I would respect the letter

The words in your notebook and so your whole being

And thus to apply your last will and testament

I am determined

Out of the past

God, it's hard to let you go.

And if I don't, it would be betraying you

I must show patience, perseverance, 

With the seeds

Of my Renaissance

7 - The Void of Your Absence

Our story was unjustly stopped

And I'm being pulled by

The ambivalence of feelings

And I had to relearn how to live without

Trying to rebuild me

Faced with such a persistent world

And for hours on end

I dream of good times

Of those few minutes of sweetness

That make us feel alive

Of those seeds of happiness

Who sublimate the present

I even smile at our mouths

Finally

So Insignificant

I came so close to nothing

Time has done its work

Wounds close gently

Sobs return but less frequently

Grief and regret

Fade away in the wind

And according to the moods

I dream of good times

Of those few minutes of sweetness

That make us feel alive

Of those seeds of happiness

Who sublimate the present

I feel now that it's time

Finally

To move forward

I keep in my heart

All those precious moments

These magical fragments of pure innocence

That help me fill the void of your absence

8 - The erratic flight of a butterfly

Pt1- A new chapter

I sealed the final chapter

Of ten years of our lives

All night I wandered alone

Completely dizzy

I feel now that it's time

To free my mind from my heart

One year already I have scattered

Your ashes in the sea

Sparkling fairy dust

Who turns sand into glass

I never knew how to say thank you

For watching over me, over my life

The anger is gone

Away from here

She goes out to sea

I've regained hope

The end of the hall

Who announces the light

The dawn of a new era

Pt2 - Wing deployment

A fresh wind has just risen

The sun is starting to break through

Everything spins around me

Exhilarating

I had forgotten the important thing

All this time

How intoxicating

To feel alive

To seize

Fully the present time

Blood flows through my veins

Every second is worth it

For a long time I ran away, shouted so loudly

From now on

I have to face the wind all sails outside

I pulled out these old wings

And I'm constantly trying to get off the ground

Raising me so high,

far to the firmament

And touch

The sacred waters of your soul

"My dear wife,

I haven't written to you in weeks, I'm so sorry.

I was all dented, the after had not spared me, and I had to learn to repair myself with the little I had

I had to accept your grief, to live without you,

Today, everything is different, I have regained my confidence

The burden on my shoulders went away, and the wounds gradually closed.

Your notebook was a great help, I thank you for it, I finally had a guide, a landmark.

The wind knew how to move away each day a little more sobs, sorrow, and regrets.

Today finally I take flight, free and peaceful

With all my love"

Pt 3 - A bottle at sea

I threw it into the sea,

Right where I left you,

A soft glass case

In which I had deposited 

Words and a prayer

In order to let you

Fly away

Caught in salt scum

The bottle traces in its groove

A drawing that recalls

The erratic flight of a butterfly

Ephemeral flapping of wings

That break the light

In the waves

I put away my anger

I woke up fully

I left far behind

The traces of a painful past

I face the sea

I see you walking away

I feel... Finally at peace

Photo par Steve Halama